New concept!

All the IP's (intoxicated person) from this Saturday night just gone were people of refined character, class, charm, grace, bearing and dignity seldom seen in the drunk.

Now we all know that the drunk suffer from the associated inflictions of;

Mangle Tongue - inability to speak in the acceptable local dialect!
Gyroscopic Dysfunction - inability to sit upright even against supporting structures!
Wobbly Leg Syndrome - inability to operate functionality of one or both legs!
Gastro/Physical Self Defence - vomiting, you poisoned your body, it's getting rid of the poison!

Lesser liked symptoms that inflict both sexes when drunk are;

Spitting - Not at my foot, Not on my bed, Not in my ambulance and NOT AT ME!
Abuse - can be presenting with either or both verbal and physical.
Crying for their Mummy - this one really fu*ks with your friends minds, they stop trying to help you and ring for us because they are so disturbed by this action.


All our IPs were of an underlying goodness.

They would try slowly and carefully to communicate and would have the good grace to nod and shake their head to my questions because that worked better.

They had the dignity to accept that they were solely responsible for their current state and not seeking to deflect with claims of 'I didn't have that much' or a spiked drink.

They had the class to be embarrassed by their actions and apologetic for their actions to friends, rubber neck bystanders and the Ambos.

They had the bearing to indicate when they were going to be sick and to seek the vomit bag and try not to splash it on any of our clothing or equipment.

Charm to make me pleased to have helped what must be a truly remarkable person when they're sober.

Strength of character to accept the remedy (an anti emetic and a bag of fluids) and a trip to a safe environment (a hospital).

Weird fact, that night the little non trauma inner city hospital where we take these patients only had one male under the 'afluence of incohol'! All the rest were female.

Well done guys.

Be careful out there and I'll see you at the Big One.

Taz